Friday, June 15, 2007

Saturday Morning cartoon

So look, I went to the movies today, (a treat for fathers day) and I had my choice of movies to see. Spiderman is out, Hostel, Pirates, even Mambo goes to Hawaii, I mean Surf's up. Any one of those movies what have been better then the movie that I saw. You see, I made the same mistake that millions made this weekend. I elected to see the Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. One word "Garbage". Now I know that there a some people out there that would kindly bend over and kiss Reed Richards right on his elastic butt. But, I am not one of them. This movie stinks.
Now please give me the opportunity to explain, (Warning: Spoiler alert). Let me start with the obvious. When, in all of the Fantastic Fours celebrated history did Sue Richards go from being white to Black/Mexican/French or Danish (whatever Alba is). Don't get me wrong I like Jessica Alba, I think she is beautiful. But I think that the makers of this movie are asking a little to much by trying to convince us that Jessica (Sue) and Johnny are from the same mother and father. I mean they even have her wearing blue contacts in this movie. And in one scene I sware they were hazel. This is almost as bad as when the made Michael Clarke Duncan "Kingpin", it the Daredevil. Look I am African American as you can see. And I am certainly for my folks and folks of other races getting work in this industry. But when you start changing stuff around, particularly stuff that people know and have grown up knowing, then, you start messing things up. Beef number one.
Beef number two: Who in the world is Ioan Gruffudd (Reed) and who told him that he could act.
Beef number three: They over did it with the cartoon like and dare I say unnecessary demonstrations of their powers. It was clear in the beginning that what they were doing was filling up film space. Most of us that went to see this movie were already familiar with the Fantastic Four, we didn't need to be convinced over and over about what they could do... just do it. It was mundane; almost as mundane as the "I got a bad feeling about this" line in every Star Wars movie (I love Star Wars, BTW). And speaking of Lines.
Beef number four (spoiler) Sue catches Reed dancing in a club with two women. Ben sees Sue come in. Ben turns to Johnny and says "I thinks its clobbering time , for Reed" or there is a scene when Doom (yes he's back) is surround by the four, so he says get this "Let's go for a spin" and then he starts spinning. What is this, the 80's, when did film making return to the age of tacky punch lines? I mean why are we force to watch this. Some would say we have a choice, and to that I say bull. Studios tease us with the best scenes in the movie to get us out and then rip us off. It is a conspiracy that goes far beyond the film, they get us with the snacks too. Why in God’s name are they charging us $3.00 for a $1.50 bottle of water. Oh and here is my other pet peeve. If I spend 6 bucks for a large soda, I best have 6 bucks worth of soda in the cup. Why do theaters, think that I want to spend 6 bucks on a large cup of ice? But we don't think about that until after we are sitting down watching the movie. Then, 3 sips later the sodas gone and you are left with a big bag of dry popcorn...anyway.
Beef number five: The entire city loves these four too much; it's disgusting. They get more publicity than any super hero I have ever seen. You would think that they were Moses, or Jesus, for that matter.
The Silver Surfer effect was good. But the rest of it was trash. You know how I measure the effect that a movie has on me? If I want to see it again, then its good. But I wouldn't even watch this again if it came on cable.
I will end with this; movies are more than a work of art. For us as fans, it is a vehicle; it is the car, or the truck, that we climb into for 2+ hours with one hope and one hope only. And that is to be whisked away from reality, taken away from the problems of our day. Catapulted into a world where WE as the ordinary could become a part of something extraordinary. Sometimes, sometimes, that happens, (i.e. Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and the Matrix) but a lot of the times it doesn't. And instead we end up leaving the theater, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled.
It's like going to your favorite fast food joint to get that burger that you like. You spend your money and you take your food and leave only to find out that when you bite into that juicy burger, it's not that juicy, in fact it is dry and over cooked. It looks good in the picture, but all and all it's not what you expected. In short, you got a bad burger.

That is what this movie is, a "Bad Burger". Until I blog again, be safe.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Welcome to my blog.